not sure
I called my dad last night and found out that my mom is out of the hospital and at the hotel with him. He put me on the phone with her and I just got the strangest feelings. Guilt- the strongest, but also anger and fear.I hate myself for thinking the way I do and feel twisted, but I just let her know that I was worried, without letting her know that I am mostly worried about myself because I am so selfish and a bad daughter. Here it is: I am afraid that I will still be heavy when she is thin. (should be soon, because the weight loss surgery will cause the weight she has to drop quick). I didn't think she was heavy enough to require surgery, and everyone I know who isn't close with my mom said the same thing- she didn't need it, but I am going off on a tangent.
What if I have to shop at fat stores and mom doesn't? I'll die. Then, I saw on Discovery Health that the same exercise each day causes the body to get used to it and it won't burn as many calories anymore, so I feel that I have to find another exercise which scares me because I just got used to biking each day, and for someone who hasn't exercised in YEARS that's a big deal. OK, so I'm off on another tangent. Anyway, I really, REALLY don't want to be a size 18, I will quit at 14 or POSSIBLY 12 because that is where I was in 1994- god, almost 10 yrs. ago. and I looked good. I just can't be the fat one in the family-just me- I will completely self-destruct.
So, where to go from now? Maybe when hubby takes his new college class this spring I'll get back to water aerobics? The gym is too expensive. Ummm. not sure what else I can do. I can wear my denim capris though, and my smallest pairs of jeans all fit. I suppose I could do my stupid exercise video, but then I have to send hubby out of the room if he's here because I'll be using the TV and I SO much like being with him when he's here because we don't have alot of time together. If only he would exercise with me, but hell will freeze over first.