questions,
Well, I just went and saw "The Banger Sisters" and it filled me with questions about myself. Is that how Shannon views me? (Please see: June 25th entry) Am I that no-fun anal retentive of a person? Did I lose my youth/sense of adventure, and if so, is it a good or a bad thing? I'll admit, I did mellow out over the past few years, since my marriage began mostly. It's so strange because I met my husband at a keg party when I was 19 and a freshman in college. He used to be my party buddy. I bet Shannon sees herself as the Goldie Hawn in the movie. Hubby has mellowed out more than me and in my opinion, is less fun than me. I'll say this tho- I had fun Friday night with my pal frito-lays (of Diaryland). While in Valdez in June visiting Shannon, she had me climbing in the back of somebody's VW van so she could smoke pot. I was really worried about it because I didn't know the owner of the van, and she didn't know him well either and he wasn't around, we just opened the door and let ourselves in. If I was 18, 19, etc. it wouldn't have bothered me- hell I've probably done it before somewhere along the line, but now it just didn't sit well with me. I remembered that today while watching the movie. I want to have fun and I enjoy parties, but yet I want the American dream too, if there is such a thing. I wonder what Shannon will think if she sees the movie. I wonder what she thinks of me, if she does. I wonder if we'll ever be friends again or if we'll just continue to go our seperate ways. Things will never be like they used to. Sometimes I want to go back to Sitka and relive college and all the fun I had, but I know it can't be done. It makes me a little sad to think of. Perhaps I AM the Susan Sarandon of the movie, or a combination of both? I wonder what my 10 year high school reunion will be like 4th of July weekend, 2003. Will Shannon go? While in Valdez she bragged she was going to drive her motorhome to the reunion and park it and have a keg party. I think that idea is silly. What point is she trying to make? Is she trying to prove to everyone that she has changed- that she's not the nobody she was in high school? Then again, that's what most people try to do at reunions, I suppose. I just don't know anymore. My hubby says I'm too wild- he wants me to be a yuppie professional. Sometimes, tho, the Valley White Trash chick comes out (i.e. Kid Rock concert in Vegas) and I feel free during those times. Not that I'm in a prison or anything, I just have lots of different sides to my personality, I guess... I thought I'd have had myself figured out by now.