work is my saving grace
Thank God for work. I wish I didn't have days off. As soon as I get to work my mind begins to occupy itself with meetings, hearings, client visits, phone calls, and emails. I don't have time to think about D&Cs and blighted ovums.
I busy myself from 8 to 4:30, with the exception of lunch. Since I've been back, I've noticed I get upset at the thought of what to do after work or on the weekend. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back home where I'm not as occupied. Yes, I can busy myself with chores, etc., but it's not the same. Nothing related to my loss happened at work- it all happened at home. I don't want to go home. I don't want to sit around and wait until the time comes where we can try again. I finally stopped bleeding, and now I just have to wait for God knows how long till my period comes, and THEN my life can pick up again.
I feel like I am just existing with no purpose until we can try again for a baby. My life is on hold.
Don't get me wrong, I had a good day today AT WORK. Now the time to go home is fast approaching, and I feel myself getting a bit of anxiety.