jokes

I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself.

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but

don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we

don't serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and

says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony

wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the

other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That

sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I

was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said

Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap

shorts. Theshrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,

is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks

his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?,

Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mom or

my Dad, or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha

Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

find any.

16. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him $50 that he

couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are

too high."

17. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know

you can't, I've cut off your arms."

18. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.

19. Two men sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a

fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have

your kayak and heat it too.

20. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks

the doc. "It's... um...well... I have five penises" replies the man.

Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

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� mbwillow on
2004-02-21 at 4:52 p.m.
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